Thursday, June 18, 2015

Personal Log 1: Introductions

It's not often that life gives you second chances, and when it does they have a tendency to pass by unnoticed until it's too late to act on them. I've recently had a bit of a wake up call though, one that literally had me scared for my life. I was told I had cancer.

I got scared, I got angry. I didn't want to do anything, not even the art that is my passion. I retreated into myself because it felt so grossly unfair. It was a tumor in the bone, and the type they said it was wasn't good... and I've never been in good health to begin with.

My doctor sent me first to a different hospital than I'm being treated at now. They told me that I probably had an Osteosarcoma, and that I urgently needed to start treatment. However, try as I might to set it up, my insurance wouldn't cover it. That hospital wasn't a preferred provider, so I had to find a different one. For almost two and a half months I tried to work with the insurance and my doctor to get in to see someone who could actually treat me... and finally I did.

The next hospital I went to was a much smoother experience. The staff were wonderful and even though it was a long drive, I'm kinda glad the insurance made me go there instead. There was something very strange about the tumor, they said, it wasn't growing like they'd expect. So they took a piece and sent it off to a clinic on the East Coast for further study. Finally after I'd been seeing them there for about a month, I had my answer.

I had two tumors. One was literally growing inside the other one and because of how they looked combined, it seemed like something it wasn't. The best news out of all of it was that both tumors were benign. Aggressive and destructive yes, but they weren't going to be going anywhere else.

Now I'm scheduled for surgery in a week. I'm going to be in recovery for between two to six weeks, depending on how much of the bone they remove, but then that's the end of it. Considering how it felt like it was going, you can understand the wash of relief I felt knowing it wasn't. A whole layer of tension has lifted from my home, and I'm just Aiden again... not Aiden who has cancer.

I know it probably seems corny to have an epiphany about ones life after a dramatic event, but it happened and I have every intention of acting on it. I'm still young, and with youth sometimes can come the sensation that one is immortal. I no longer feel that way, and I know if I do want to live long enough to see my grandchildren and their children... a lot of things need to change; and first among them is that I need to be happy. I guess we'll see how that goes.

I'll post more about the surgery before and after it's performed. Peace out until then.